It's just one of those things. They're almost synonymous, Woody Allen and NYC. I've taken a liking to his work and I suppose that cements my stature as a New Yorker. What's next? Walking behind my Teacup Yorkie, named Periwinkle (like the color), with a plastic bag in hand begging to pick up a steaming, heaping, massive pile of feces?
Do yourself a favor and read Without Feathers. Much like the author, it's short, peculiar, witty, sarcastic, and humorous.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Gemma & Rufus
[Scene opens at Gemma, a restaurant in between NoHo and the East Village, with the sun setting and Rufus meeting friends for cocktails]
Friend: It's so great to see you, Little Pizza!
S.A.: I know. It's been too long. How have you been?
Friend: Oh, I'm grea... Oh, this is Kristin, Erin, you know Rod...[as she continues to introduce me to friends and colleagues in the medical profession]...This is Little Pizza.
[Time lapses, and strangers approach me curious to know the origins of my name]
I simply point to her and say she just started calling me Little Pizza, it doesn't really bother me.
Erin: I don't get it but that's alright. I'd rather call you by your real name. What is it?
S.A.: It's Chip Douglas. Honestly you could call me anything. By the time I have my fill of Peronis, I'll probably be responding to Rufus.
[Erin introduces me to Kristin (again)]
Erin: Kristin, this is Little Pizza. His real name is Chip Douglas, but he said we can call him Rufus.
Kristin: Rufus? Why would I call him Rufus?
S.A.: It's really not a problem. You can call me whatever you want. It's really not going to matter. No offense, but hopefully I never have to see any of you people again.
Kristin: Well, that's not very nice.
It probably wasn't a nice thing to say, but as a male I hope to never have to see anyone who considers urologic oncology a profession at their place of business.
Friend: It's so great to see you, Little Pizza!
S.A.: I know. It's been too long. How have you been?
Friend: Oh, I'm grea... Oh, this is Kristin, Erin, you know Rod...[as she continues to introduce me to friends and colleagues in the medical profession]...This is Little Pizza.
[Time lapses, and strangers approach me curious to know the origins of my name]
I simply point to her and say she just started calling me Little Pizza, it doesn't really bother me.
Erin: I don't get it but that's alright. I'd rather call you by your real name. What is it?
S.A.: It's Chip Douglas. Honestly you could call me anything. By the time I have my fill of Peronis, I'll probably be responding to Rufus.
[Erin introduces me to Kristin (again)]
Erin: Kristin, this is Little Pizza. His real name is Chip Douglas, but he said we can call him Rufus.
Kristin: Rufus? Why would I call him Rufus?
S.A.: It's really not a problem. You can call me whatever you want. It's really not going to matter. No offense, but hopefully I never have to see any of you people again.
Kristin: Well, that's not very nice.
It probably wasn't a nice thing to say, but as a male I hope to never have to see anyone who considers urologic oncology a profession at their place of business.
Test Results
Dear Ex-Lover(s),
Despite the results of the test, I still hate you. Am I positive? Yes, I'm sure you still make my blood boil, but in an unscripted twist of fate I'm negative. Wait. Positive and negative? It's impossible. I'm positive; I'm negative. You may now exhibit a great sigh of relief knowing that you dodged a bullet. At this point you should resume your planning of your ordinary life without me.
Regards,
S.A. [not even a drip]
Despite the results of the test, I still hate you. Am I positive? Yes, I'm sure you still make my blood boil, but in an unscripted twist of fate I'm negative. Wait. Positive and negative? It's impossible. I'm positive; I'm negative. You may now exhibit a great sigh of relief knowing that you dodged a bullet. At this point you should resume your planning of your ordinary life without me.
Regards,
S.A. [not even a drip]
Thursday, July 30, 2009
93% Humidity
With 93% humidity, just stop teasing and wash out this oppressive grid of sidewalks. I guess it could be worse, I guess I could live in Portland, OR, where they've seen record temperatures of 109 degrees. Even worse, I could live in Staten Island or New Jersey.
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