New Toy

Some people refer to it as adult ADD. Some people think it stems from commitment issues. I hate psychology, but I know this happens to me.

The month of December was foreplay, what with decorating the house and tree, opening the advent calendar, buying gifts for my loved ones, and most importantly creating a detailed booklet that I conveniently called my "wish list." I would stay awake every night thinking about the new Nerf gun that Santa would leave under the tree and how I'd ambush my brother or the intense Lego set that I would construct immediately after taking pictures with my family. Christmas morning was simultaneously the best and worst capitulation of the entire season, it was usually the realization that I actually got what I wanted. Of course I would spend the remainder of day playing with the new toys and promise that I'd be a good boy for the rest of the year and assure my parents that I wouldn't want any other toys next year, especially with all the new toys that Santa got me this year.

It was all a lie. Next year there would be a new Nintendo game that I had to have. The point is that after a while the novelty wears off, and my attention wanders to the next shiny thing. Well, it is like that with girls too. I just lose interest. Pick a reason; you're probably right. It's an involuntary reaction, and short of you developing a gigantic third boob, you'll never live up to some cartoonish ideal I have in my head. That's only part of the problem. Once I've established my intense state of "like" and realize it will never be love, I just let it linger. Compounding mistakes, that's what I do best. So when I tell you that I like hanging out with you, it probably means that the novelty has faded and I won't hike up my skirt to grab my balls and tell you it's best to move on.