Intercourse:
His - He talks about it constantly. He thinks he's coy with all of his innuendos and jokes and thinks that he has to wait for the next Summer Olympics for her to get drunk enough to consider slapping skins.
Hers - Considering she doesn't talk about it nearly as much as he does, she has no problem waking him up for the fourth go of the physical act of making love a.k.a. coitus, at 4 AM.
Summary: Most women love to F*CK!
Showing posts with label Hers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hers. Show all posts
Monday, February 9, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
His & Hers
So you want to scare your significant other to the point where no amount of therapy will ever allow them to recover and move on? Wait until three weeks after you've fornicated and hit him/her with the following scare tactic:
Hers: she tells him that she thinks she is preggers.
His: he tells her he thinks that the other girl is preggers.
Hers: she tells him that she thinks she is preggers.
His: he tells her he thinks that the other girl is preggers.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
His & Hers
The sensitive subject of gift-giving and receiving. Your guide to important (but extremely insignificant) information to avoid pitfalls.
Guys: When she says she doesn't really care about a Hallmark Holiday, it means you better have flowers and dinner planned for Valentine's Day or be prepared to become reacquainted with Palmela Handerson, yet again. When she agrees to forgo exchanging gifts for a special occasion due to the mutual understanding that the economy is trying and your money would be better spent elsewhere, she's essentially failed to provide the following subtitles: I expect a gift - if only something small, you selfish moron. When she gets you an "I was thinking about you gift," she expects one in return and you groping her is hardly a gift. When you get her a personalized gift like a book and inscribe it or make her a mixed-tape, she thinks you are joking and is waiting for the "real gift."
Girls: When he says don't get him anything, it means don't get him anything because he isn't planning on getting her something. When he hears you agree to a "no-exchange" policy due to the economy, he looks to his lucky stars and thanks God that she finally "gets it." When she asks him what he wants and he says he doesn't know, it's because he doesn't have the heart to tell her he wants that new electronic gadget - which means he will be spending more time away from her. Oh, and he's not your Ken doll. Stop buying him clothes that you think he'd look good in. He's happy wearing his shirts from the 6th grade. He views every day as giving to you. So meaningless holidays, save Halloween, don't excite him. He considers each phone call, text, email a gift, because he could have been doing a handful of other things like playing video games, talking about sex, drinking beer, or all of the above - simultaneously(with his boys).
Guys: When she says she doesn't really care about a Hallmark Holiday, it means you better have flowers and dinner planned for Valentine's Day or be prepared to become reacquainted with Palmela Handerson, yet again. When she agrees to forgo exchanging gifts for a special occasion due to the mutual understanding that the economy is trying and your money would be better spent elsewhere, she's essentially failed to provide the following subtitles: I expect a gift - if only something small, you selfish moron. When she gets you an "I was thinking about you gift," she expects one in return and you groping her is hardly a gift. When you get her a personalized gift like a book and inscribe it or make her a mixed-tape, she thinks you are joking and is waiting for the "real gift."
Girls: When he says don't get him anything, it means don't get him anything because he isn't planning on getting her something. When he hears you agree to a "no-exchange" policy due to the economy, he looks to his lucky stars and thanks God that she finally "gets it." When she asks him what he wants and he says he doesn't know, it's because he doesn't have the heart to tell her he wants that new electronic gadget - which means he will be spending more time away from her. Oh, and he's not your Ken doll. Stop buying him clothes that you think he'd look good in. He's happy wearing his shirts from the 6th grade. He views every day as giving to you. So meaningless holidays, save Halloween, don't excite him. He considers each phone call, text, email a gift, because he could have been doing a handful of other things like playing video games, talking about sex, drinking beer, or all of the above - simultaneously(with his boys).
Monday, January 5, 2009
His & Hers
So you've watched Ryan Seacrest usher in the New Year, vowed to never smoke again, committed to your new gym routine, and this will be the year that you convince someone of the opposite (or same) sex that it was your ex that was all sorts of Tom Cruise crazy. Do yourself a favor and heed the S.A.'s advice.
Girls: No guy ever slept with you because you had a Chanel bag. He would actually prefer if you had a knock-off from Canal Street because then he wouldn't think you were such a money grubbing wench. He spends enough money on beer at the bar and he isn't ready to make contributions to your purse and shoe collection. At least have the decency to lie to him and tell him it's fake.
Guys: She is not impressed that you have the high score in Dungeons & Dragons, or that you logged more hours playing PS3 than you did sleeping last year. She really isn't stoked that you dominated your fantasy football league. Her thought is, if you want to play with yourself then enjoy playing with yourself because you seem to be good at it.
Girls: No guy ever slept with you because you had a Chanel bag. He would actually prefer if you had a knock-off from Canal Street because then he wouldn't think you were such a money grubbing wench. He spends enough money on beer at the bar and he isn't ready to make contributions to your purse and shoe collection. At least have the decency to lie to him and tell him it's fake.
Guys: She is not impressed that you have the high score in Dungeons & Dragons, or that you logged more hours playing PS3 than you did sleeping last year. She really isn't stoked that you dominated your fantasy football league. Her thought is, if you want to play with yourself then enjoy playing with yourself because you seem to be good at it.
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