His & Hers

The sensitive subject of gift-giving and receiving. Your guide to important (but extremely insignificant) information to avoid pitfalls.

Guys: When she says she doesn't really care about a Hallmark Holiday, it means you better have flowers and dinner planned for Valentine's Day or be prepared to become reacquainted with Palmela Handerson, yet again. When she agrees to forgo exchanging gifts for a special occasion due to the mutual understanding that the economy is trying and your money would be better spent elsewhere, she's essentially failed to provide the following subtitles: I expect a gift - if only something small, you selfish moron. When she gets you an "I was thinking about you gift," she expects one in return and you groping her is hardly a gift. When you get her a personalized gift like a book and inscribe it or make her a mixed-tape, she thinks you are joking and is waiting for the "real gift."

Girls: When he says don't get him anything, it means don't get him anything because he isn't planning on getting her something. When he hears you agree to a "no-exchange" policy due to the economy, he looks to his lucky stars and thanks God that she finally "gets it." When she asks him what he wants and he says he doesn't know, it's because he doesn't have the heart to tell her he wants that new electronic gadget - which means he will be spending more time away from her. Oh, and he's not your Ken doll. Stop buying him clothes that you think he'd look good in. He's happy wearing his shirts from the 6th grade. He views every day as giving to you. So meaningless holidays, save Halloween, don't excite him. He considers each phone call, text, email a gift, because he could have been doing a handful of other things like playing video games, talking about sex, drinking beer, or all of the above - simultaneously(with his boys).