Fresh Prince

Fact: Will Smith is a blockbuster movie star. However, for the life of me, I can't recall one great movie that he's starred in, save Wild Wild West. His earning power is not being called into question here and it's certainly unparalleled in the industry. The S.A. recognizes that Will Smith movies tend to gross billions of dollars the world over. So the S.A. has embarked on a journey to explain the driving force behind blockbuster movies that suck something awful starring Will Smith.

The S.A. is not a correspondent for Inside Edition or Hard Copy, but thinks this phenomenon can be simply explained in the context of the economics of the movie industry.

Picture this: the S.A. is a really powerful movie executive, and he wants to put out a movie that will ensure his great grandchildren will never have to work again. He orchestrates the creation of a movie with an uber-leading man/star in mind. The script is scrawled down. The premise could be deeply enthralling if the right actors are on board. I have this epiphany that I really could care less about the artistic integrity of the movie, because I'm about to get myself Richard Branson rich. I look at the film's budget of $55 million and devote $30 million dollars to the Fresh Prince. That leaves me with approximately $25 million left to spend. I realistically couldn't even go out and sign Macauley Culkin, Corey Feldman, and Paul Reisner for that type of money (keep in mind it's been years, arrests, drug addictions, marriages and subsequent divorces since they've been relevant in the industry). So we scratch the idea of telling a story with decent actors, a real character development plot. Instead I decide that we only have the money to have Will Smith and $10 million allocated to really insane CGI, like some friggin' aliens or mutants or something completely unmotivated like that.

The movie comes out, it's a real piece of garbage, but every white girl, that loves Will Smith's whitewashed persona, goes and drags everyone they know to the theaters. Now I've bought my own island and I'm laughing at everyone that went to see my blockbuster. I'm loving that I've sold out to become a bajillionare. Thanks Big Willy Style (my own personal ATM).

Note: S.A. is insanely jealous of Will Smith, that's why he's such a hater.