Old Habits

...[everyone knows] they die hard. I was introduced to peanut butter and jelly as a little S.A. I thought nothing of it. It was completely uninspiring, two ingredients married together on bread. Not to mention, my mom used to make it the night before and let it sit in the refrigerator for school the next day. The results were catastrophic, a soggy mess. To me, pb&j was a fall back sandwich, only to be considered when you ran out of cold cuts. I never thought of it as the number one.

Many years later, I went back to pb&j and even acquired a taste for pb&fluff. The setting was fall 2002, and I was settling into Northeastern University. I would sit in my room playing "Ready To Die" at overwhelming decibel levels, and mastering Madden 2002 (with the door wide open) welcoming challengers. I quickly developed a bond with Mike, a Puerto Rican from Miami, who would fill up his Brita in the bathroom while dressed in mesh shorts, socks, and Nike sandals. We quickly became friends and developed a smoking bond. He majored in blunts and bongs. I was more the adventuresome MacGyver-type, willing to experiment with apples, door stops, and half-broken glass. Anything really. Many would finish a session and reach for Funyuns, Doritos, or maybe even Swedish Fish. Mike and I would eat at least two pb&fluff sandwiches. Mike would later curse the New England cold and head back to Miami to finish out his college career (graduation date: TBD), and I stopped puffing. However, I was still cognizant of my finances and made pb&j a staple in my diet.

Now, I am creeping up to a quarter century, and I work in Finance. Many think that I should give up my love for pb&j and fill the void with $10 Midtown lunches. However, now I'm working to pay my rent, and devoting long hours to my career. So, sometimes I come home at 7 or 8 PM and an Emeril-esque dinner isn't requisite. I look to my trusted pieces of wheat and these two spreads.

It wasn't until I was 24, when I met a girl, that I mastered making the pb&j. I confessed that I make more money now than in college and that I can't walk away from pb&j. She thought I was "special," but she asked me about it. "How do you make them?" I didn't understand the question. It was simple. Even a stoned monkey could make one. Besides she went to a well respected institution for her undergrad [maybe she didn't smoke]. I carefully explained it to her via gchat, while bored at work one day (I'm assuming my mocking and condescending tone wasn't recognized via the medium). She then explained to me I was doing it all wrong. She said my method resulted in sogginess. She then told me I had to coat both slices of wheat with peanut butter to form a seal, then add gratuitous amounts of jelly and it would never seep through. This girl was brilliant. I told her I didn't want to talk to her anymore, but I want her to know, I RENEGE.