Ideological Shift

I was so naive. No, stupid is more accurate. Maybe it's because I'm from a tiny town in Connecticut, where I went to a small high school. I knew everyone in the high school, better yet I knew their siblings and went to church with their families on Sundays. I couldn't "just sleep" with a girl because I feared the consequences, like having to deal with her family or the gossip that is assumed in such a close-knit community. I went to college and abandoned life under the microscope in homogeneous suburbia, but couldn't rid my mind of the consequences that inevitably followed sex. Maybe it's because I took pride in having a certain reputation or not being considered a man-whore, but I still could not separate the physical act from the relationship.

Now I'm 24 years old. I live in the immediate vicinity of more than three million people and I couldn't be further from the concept of community. As a result I can see things clearly. Sometimes sex is just that and completely void of emotion. I am getting used to the idea of sleeping with someone and never bothering to text again. I guess it's the nature of the beast and certainly isn't limited to the male psyche (here at least). There's an unapologetic divorce between the carnal need to be physically quenched versus working towards a sustainably healthy relationship that characterizes NYC. It's refreshing. It's not a rule, but I sense that it's pervasive. Maybe the collective thought is that NYC is just a phase for many (both male and female), not meant to be home or a place to settle and many look to take advantage of the temporary nature of living here. I don't blame them. So every time I relapse and start thinking about feelings, I just drown myself with another beer.

Pseudo-douche observation: being a guy in NYC is great. The term relative is such an advantage. NYC is the land of excesses: wealth, health, looks, materialism, etc. Douches are abound in NYC in excess, and by douches I mean the Hall of Fame of douches. It's such a comforting thought to know that single men have a statistic advantage with attractive NYC women. Beyond that, it's great to know that as much of an asshole as I can be, I know that I couldn't hold a candle to some of the amazing tool bags that this city has to offer (read: relative). I sleep warm at night knowing that at my very worst I can't come close to battling some of these heroes for the famed crown of King of Douches.

I know some of you will read this and struggle to keep the vomit from entering your mouth, but it's the truth. I truly empathize with those that are looking for Mr./Mrs. Right in this city, but statistically the probability of success isn't very favorable for your kind.